Silver Eyes and Starlight
by LightsPast
Summary: Written for the Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition round 7 - Cupid had shot an arrow into my heart, but it was barbed and painful and the harder I tried to remove it the deeper it tore, until I was a bloody, scarred mess.


**Written for the Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition, Round Seven**

**Team: Montrose Magpies**

**Position: Chaser 3**

**Challenge: Sinking Ships**

**Prompts: Breathless, Counting backwards, Mysteriously silent**

**Words: 1,749**

**Warning: Contains mentions of suicide and slash**

* * *

There was something about him, something beautiful and alluring and full of life.

He was mysteriously silent, pale hair and silver eyes, skin like ivory. He barely spoke, yet when he did, my heart never failed to skip a beat, his tone low, rough, yet melodically beautiful.

He was the perfect contrast to his other half, the boy constantly at his side. The one with raven hair and verdigris eyes. My cousin. How could_ I_ ever compare to him?

I had seen the love in his silver eyes, the desire, when they were together. I knew how happy he made Al, and vice-versa. From the moment they met, they had clicked. Discarding the rivalry of their fathers they had been closer than close, practically one person. You never saw one without the other.

But. I was captured the first time he smiled at me. I was a prisoner, but I was perfectly content in my cage.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It was in their fifth year that they came out. In front of family and friends, Scorpius had stood up and, without hesitation, had announced _"I'm gay."_

My breath had caught in my throat, silently choking. At fourteen, I had never dared to think about my sexuality before. I knew about my infatuation with Scorpius, yes, but I had tried to hide it, push it away in fear that he would be repulsed. But now, maybe...

But then, he had seized Albus's wrist, pulling the dark-haired teen up beside him, and the loving smile on his face when he said_ "Al is my boyfriend."_ crushed me, tore me, ripped my heart to shreds.

Beside my handsome, bold cousin, how could I ever stand a chance?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Before long, they had become the talk of the school. Those who remembered their fathers were stunned, and those who did not were not surprised. They were both popular, prefects, well-known and well-liked around the school. The majority of the student body supported their relationship, and my older sister Rose cooed over them, stating they were _"the perfect couple."_

I smiled and agreed on the outside, but inside I was a wild storm of emotions, miserable, jealous, furious, envious, confused, possessive, desperate. All I knew was that I wanted him.

Cupid had shot an arrow into my heart, but it was barbed and painful and the harder I tried to remove it the deeper it tore, until I was a bloody, scarred mess.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Once, at a party when I was sitting alone, he came over and sat next to me. I couldn't breathe in his presence, shocked and ecstatic that he had joined me of his own will. We had sat in silence for a while, merely enjoying the company of the other. Then Scorpius had looked over at me and smiled. _"It's been a while, Hugo."_

_"Y-Yeah, it has …"_

_"How have you been? Meet anyone nice yet?"_ He'd winked at me, and my pulse went wild.

_"Ah-um, I-" _I stuttered foolishly, my tongue feeling thick and heavy in my mouth.

An easy grin graced his features. _"I'll take that as a no then, shall I? That's a shame. You and Abby Clearwater would make a lovely couple. Albus and Rose think so too. Rose says she likes you." _He winked again and my heart twisted. He wasn't interested in me at all. Not in that way.

The rest of the conversation faded in a blur of agony, and my only other memory of the night is my seething envy as I watched Al and Scor kiss under the mistletoe.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

My infatuation with him grew into borderline obsession. Every time I saw them together, I died a little bit more. I didn't know why I felt this way.

I tried so hard to forget him. I started dating girls, to my family's delight. The further away from him I got, the better, I reasoned. But I spent every kiss, every embrace, counting backwards in my head, trying to ignore the unnatural feel of their lips, hands, bodies on me.

When that didn't work, I began going out of my way to avoid Scorpius.

I already had his timetable memorised, so I went from subtly hanging out near his classes to taking the long way around simply to avoid passing him in the hall. I never went up to talk to him anymore. I never even looked at him.

It felt like I was dying.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It was my sixth year, his seventh. I was sitting at the edge of the lake, alone. I had never had many friends, and as my behaviour became increasingly erratic over the past year they all slowly distanced themselves from me. I couldn't bring myself to feel hurt; I couldn't even bring myself to care.

I knew my parents were worried about me. I didn't want to worry them, but I didn't know how to get back to normal. I didn't know if I'd ever been normal.

My sister had tried talking to me, asking what was wrong, but I couldn't tell her. From day one, she had supported their relationship fully. No, I couldn't confide in Rose.

I had gazed into the depths of the water. It swirled slowly, calmly.

Across the shimmering expanse, the loving couple had sat hand in hand, taking a break from studying for their NEWTS. As I watched, Scorpius leaned in to kiss Albus, who happily returned the gesture.

I looked away quickly, sick to my stomach, and my heart.

I had had enough.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"_Albus."_

He turned in surprise, putting down the book he was holding. When he saw it was me, he had smiled pleasantly. _"Hugo! What's up?"_

"_Do you love Scorpius?" _

He looked surprised. This was obviously not what he had been expecting.

"_Yes." _ He answered simply.

"_Does Scorpius love you?" _I asked bluntly.

He blinked. _"He says he does. And that's good enough for me."_

I turned abruptly on my heel. _"Thank you for answering my questions. That's all I wanted to know." _But just as I turned around the edge of the shelf, I looked back over my shoulder. _"I think you should break up with Scorpius."_

And I left before Al could come after me and ask why.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Desperation. That was what had led me to the top of the Astronomy Tower that night. Alone, I stood at the edge both literally and mentally.

I was messed up, that was the only thing that was certain to me. That and the fact that Scorpius would never want me.

I wanted him. I wanted him to be mine so bad that it physically hurt. The desire, the lust, the longing. It was like a ravenous beast, tearing at my heart and mind and nothing could protect me. Nothing except-

It would only take a single step. I only had to pull myself up, over the railings, and then let go. Mere seconds of free fall and the pain would end. It would all end.

It was odd. I had never even faintly considered suicide, killing myself, before. It had never seemed like an option that I should have to consider. But now, here I was, a silhouette framed by the night sky, staring out at the cold, hard stars.

Their uncaring brilliance pierced my eyes and for the first time since I was a young child I felt at peace. I felt okay.

The stars shone out over the world, thousands of millions of miles away. Some of them, some of those tiny lights, were already dead by the time their light reached my eyes. Yet they stayed the same, night after night, not mourning what will be but continuing their existence for what is.

And my head cleared. _Why, _I wondered, _why did I feel that way? _

Suddenly I felt sanity rush over me. I hadn't been in my right mind, all these years. I stepped slowly back from the railings. I no longer felt the urge to jump.

_"Hugo?"_

I spun around at the oh-so-familiar voice, the voice that once controlled my heart like the strings on a puppet. The boy who I had once loved with every part of me.

And now all I could think was _I wasted six years of my life obsessing over him?_

The boy whom I had once viewed as the most perfect specimen of human life now seemed frail and plain to my eyes. He was a shell of what I had made him into in my mind.

_"Hugo?"_ He had said again when I did not speak. _"Hugo, what are you doing up here?"_ He took a step towards me, then another. Slowly, he approached. I stood, unmoving, watching his pale eyes so like the stars, yet lacking their lustrous shine.

He opened his mouth to speak once more, but I was faster. I drew my wand in one swift movement, pointing it at him and shouting before he had a chance to react. _"Imperio!" _

His eyes glazed over, even though I could see him fighting inside. I had to be quick, before he broke free of the curse.

I directed him, and slowly, struggling against the command, he took a step towards the railing, and then another one, until he stood staring out over the edge.

I took his chin in my fingers and gently turned his face towards mine, leaning forward to lovingly kiss his lips, unresponsive until I gave my wand a small flick. Breaking away, I reached up and whispered in his ear _"Au revoir et bonne nuit, mon amour."_

And he jumped.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

If anyone had been watching, they would have witnessed the pale figure spiralling down through the air, unable to resist. They might have seen the flame-haired figure standing at the tower top. They may have even seen the grin on his face, both relieved and exhausted, as though he was finally able to sleep after centuries of wakefulness.

Hugo gazed down at the broken figure lying in the courtyard below. This image was one that was his and his alone, the image of a love finally conquered. He and he alone owned Scorpius now, the memory of his last moments.

He didn't care how clichéd it was. If Hugo couldn't have Scorpius, then no one could. Not even Albus.

Hugo gave Scorpius's silent body one last glance, before turning and walking away.

There was something about him, something beautiful and alluring and full of life, even in death.

* * *

**This was largely unedited, so please excuse any errors! The song that inspired this fic was Protége-Moi by Placebo. **

**Please leave a review or some feedback, I'd love to know what you thought!**


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